In the October 1991 issue of the sadly short-lived TaleSpin comic (issue #5), our favorite Air Pirate answered the letter column. I've typed up the page exactly as it appeared, complete with the original excessive boldface type. Here's what he had to say...
Greetings and salivations, all you lucky reader-type persons out there! It is I, the Prince of Pillagment -- the Scourge of the Seven Skies-- the Plundering Wonder -- in my flesh and in all of my glorious personal selfness -- DON KARNAGE!
Thank you, thank you! >ahem!<
At the mirror the other day I was commenting to my most handsome reflection that I had not received any of the many letters from adoring fans that I keep hearing so much about. And so I said to me, "I will obtain these letters and read them!"
So I stole them. Hee hee! Piles and piles of them! They are right here in a big box, and I have been reading for many hours! (I must be telling you people --some of you have the lousy penmanship!)
But to the point, which is me--
[letter regarding Trader Moe's goons which Scarlet is too lazy to type up]
Hey, just a doggone menudo!! That letter is not about myself!!!
Here -- this is more like it--
Yo, Mail Spin Dudes!
I LOVE TALE SPIN! I'm a major Tale Spin fan. I accidentally discovered the TV show. It was one boring afternoon and I turned on the TV. THere was nothing on, so I just watched it. I've been hooked ever since. My mom likes Kit and Molly the best. I think all of them are the best. My most favorite is Don Karnage. But wait a "moment", I have a few questions:
1) How old are Karnage, Shere Khan, Mad Dog and Louie?
2) Is there such a thing as an airfoil today?
3) Does Wildcat have a last name and how old is he?
Senorita Herr, you are are obviously a female with good taste! But to ask Don Karnage his age?! Ah-ah-ah- -- you would not be wanting to make me angry, yes-no? As for those other questions not about myself -- who cares?
[Note from Scarlet: Next up, an early fan femme speaks out! :-) Read on...]
Dear Tale Spin,
I think Don Karnage should have a wife--
Hold the horses right there! Let us all get one thing straight beside each other right now -- Don Karnage is a man of freedom! GOT IT?? Very well, then! >ahem< Let us continue...
[Note #2 from Scarlet: Suuuuure you are, querido. He just hadn't met me yet. ;-) Let us continue...]
Me and Leslie play Tale Spin at recess at school. I am always Don Karnage. I am eight years old. I think Don Karnage is too scared to use his sword--
STOP!! ENOUGH of this nincompoopery! Who wrote this estupid letter anyway? Hmm -- Melissa Gruszeczki from Tulsa, Oklahoma. Melissa, we are really treading on the thin water today, are we not? You are eight years old, you say? Tell me -- just how badly do you wish to reach your ninth birthday...?
Dear Mail Spin,
I think Don Karnage's species is a wild dingo of Australia. What do you think? Oh, could you send me an autographed picture of Don?
Dingo? DINGO??? Go and tell your mother you
need glasses, boy! Don Karnagg is no dingo -- he
is a wolf! A wolf wolf WOLF! With big sharp fangs
to bite sassy little children with!
Um, by the way -- what is a dingo...?
[Note #3 from Scarlet: Well, at least in my fanfics' universe, he's half right. :-) But don't tell him I told you.]
Well, I see that the time is ticky-tocking away, and I have a Khan cargo plane to plunder at 2:00 sharp! But before I disappoint you all by removing my radiant presence away from yourselves, I must be clarifying up a point of significant momentum.
Many of you are expressing interest in the personal history of Don Karnage -- this is natural, of course. But remember -- Don Karnage is man of mystery! He cannot be unraveled like the little ball of yarn! He must remain the alluring but secretive-type stranger, yes-no? Tall...dark...and so very, very handsome, too!
In other words -- I am none of your business!
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